Object Relational Affects: Adaptation, Rejection and Frustration 

enneagram foundations
Written By Morella H

Written by Sofie

Object relations theory is a concept based in psychoanalysis that frames the personality’s childhood wound and how this results in three different strategies to engage with reality and the ‘object of engagement.’

The Enneagram type is inborn and so is our OR affect - whether our parents disappoint or not is not the cause for our object relation strategy. The way we deal with the inevitable parental disappointment, however, is our OR affect. 

Attachment ~ Multiplicity: Adaptation to the object of engagement, change of strategy

3: 

  • issue with nurturing function -> assertive hornevian group 

  • adapts to be properly loved, valued and seen 

  • “Mum doesn’t value and see me, what else can I do to get mum’s attention?”

6: 

  • issue with guidance function -> compliant hornevian group 

  • adapts and switches to be properly guided, supported and structured

  • “Dad doesn’t support me so I don’t know how to adult, can you tell me what to do?” -> externalizes need for daddy, tries on various authorities 

9: 

  • issue with both functions -> withdrawn hornevian group 

  • adapts behavior that desires mirroring and support but can’t get needs met 

  • “Mum and dad don’t see and support me and it’s my fault, I better become invisible and less of a problem”

Attachment types are versatile and adaptive to the cards life hands out to them.

Frustration ~ Polarity: Refusal to compromise, Self-nurturing/-guiding

1: 

  • issue with guidance -> compliant

  • “Fuck you daddy I’ll show you how, I won’t accept this kind of structure in the world” 

  • becomes the parental function and enacts their vision of guidance 

4: 

  • issue with both functions -> withdrawn

  • “Fuck you mum and dad, nobody sees and supports me, I’m on my own and I hate this world” 

  • becomes frustrated with everything in the external world, nothing ever fits 

7: 

  • issue with nurturing -> assertive 

  • “Fuck you mum, you don’t give me enough love and nurturing, I’m gonna get it myself, I’m gonna mummy myself”

  • becomes their own mummy and overdoes the self-nurturing 

Frustration types are entitled, uncompromising idealists that aggressively self-parent their wounded function. 

Rejection ~ Power: Ignorance to the wound, overdoing the other function 

2: 

  • Issue with guidance -> compliant 

  • “Guidance? I don’t need guidance, I don’t know what you’re talking about”

  • rejection of fathering 

  • becomes one-dimensional super-mummy overdoing nurturing and blind to the need for guidance in themselves and others

5:

  • issue with both functions -> withdrawn 

  • “I don’t need anything from this world”

  • amputated from their need for nurturing and guidance, overly mentally focused 

  • “I am nothing but my mind”

8: 

  • issue with nurturing -> assertive 

  • “What mummy? I never had one, nothing in myself is soft and tender and vulnerable, I’m tough and daddy” 

  • Rejection of nurturing 

  • becomes one-dimensional super-daddy overdoing guidance and blind to the need for nurturing in themselves and others 

Rejection types are one-dimensional defiers of the wounded function that make you an offering based on the overdone function. 

Morella H
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