GOBLOG #1

Am I the asshole for bullying sp/so peasants?

a pamphlet from god's ivory tower

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a pamphlet from god's ivory tower 〰️

by Omar, so/sp 6w7 9w1 3w4

Am I the asshole for bullying a bunch of sp/sos at the grocery store? For context, I was just going about my day, writing my manifesto, arguing with strangers on the internet about politics, and gatekeeping my hobbies and subcultures from people I've never met before.

Frankly, it was an EXHAUSTING way to spend my time, but hey, that's the price I pay for being gifted with the most unfathomably based instinctual orientation known to man.

Anyways, after spending around four hours doing this (I'm unemployed btw) I came to the harrowing realization that I needed to feed myself. I quickly jumped on my palanquin (which requires a minimum of four sp/sos to carry at all times) and departed for my local grocery store.

"Aaaah, society," I thought as I approached the entrance. I was having all sorts of deep thoughts about how thousands of years of human progress (entirely spearheaded by so/sps, of course) led up to the convenience of me being able to choose from an array of culinary delights from all around the globe. What was once a scarcity that humans had to brutally fight over (or at least recruit sp/sos to brutally fight over for us) was now a trifle, a convenience. Meanwhile, the sp/sos carrying my palanquin were engaged in an utterly menial conversation about what kind of cheese they preferred. I smirked.

"Heh, peasants," I said softly, but not softly enough that they wouldn't hear me. Noticing my presence, the nearest sp/so immediately started deepthroating my boot. "What- *GLUK* -do you- *GLUK* -want us to- *GLUK* -get you?" he asked expectantly. "Oh, whatever you deem fit. It matters not to me," I replied. "I trust your judgement." This is what sp/sos are best for, after all. After my serfs had picked out a wedge of the finest aged brie for me to snack on, I directed the palanquin to the checkout counter. However, it was there that I was met with a most...unfortunate sight.

An enormous line of sp/so landwhales stretched nearly to the food aisles. This simply would not do. "Listen up, peasants!" I addressed the crowd from my palanquin. The unwashed rabble turned to me, gazing up, slack-jawed at my regal presence.

"Um...what the fuck?" the nearest sp/so asked, no doubt confused yet enamored by my aura of mystique and natural authority. "Well you see, the Enneagram is a spiritual development tool originating..." I went into a long-winded tirade about the origins and history of the enneagram, culminating in, of course, the superiority of so/sps. "...and that's why I simply must cut ahead of you all in line," I finished. "You understand, surely. The pain of being self-pres second means I simply cannot bear the agony of such a mundane inconvenience."

To my utter surprise, my impressively vast knowledge of the enneagram had no effect on these dim-witted sycophants. No, they instead started collectively laughing at me. As if acting in lockstep, with no agency of their own, each of them synchronized their laughter. A true synflow moment, I thought, smirking. But I still had a more immediate problem in front of me (which I only realized second due to my natural propensity for thinking about the bigger picture). I had to get to the front of the line.

"Forward!" I commanded my sp/sos. They immediately began dutifully shoving their way through the crowd. However, then something truly unforeseen happened to me. "Hey, wait your turn, jackass!" a rather burly-looking 9w8 cried up to me. Naturally, I disregarded him. I must have been distracted by thoughts of what the ramifications of the Syrian Civil War would be on U.S. foreign policy in the coming decade. Regardless, I was hit out of nowhere by the man's fist. The last thing I remember before blacking out is falling off my palanquin and thinking, "ah, a crude yet impressive display of sp/so practical physicality..."

So, Reddit, Am I the Asshole here? I'm currently typing this from my hospital bed, being nursed back to health by a team of sexy sp/so 269s. I'm considering suing the man who punched me, but I'm wondering if that isn't a lofty enough goal? I might instead attempt to implement some sort of law guaranteeing so/sps automatically get to circumvent lines in the future.